Kanowitz's Devil's Dictionary (inspired by Ambrose Bierce)
Communism - An Equality of zeroes.
Capitalism - An Inequality of zeroes.
Democracy - Government by the elected mediocrity.
Fear - The nothing that terrifies us.
Film critic - A nobody's nobody.
Life - A state of confusion between birth and death.
Luck - Proof that randomness does not exist.
Project Manager - Person hired to create a false sense of organization.
Sleep - The last amateur sport.
Time - That ingredient that makes all things impossible.
War - The less hypocritical version of peace.
United Nations - Incompetence in numbers.
Politics - The sand box for those who don't play well with others.
Diamond - A man's worst friend.
Money - An entity with a pocket holding time measured in nanoseconds.
Food - The unifying property that makes us the nectar of the gods.
Sex drive - That aspect of our personality that fails to separate us from the animals.
Work - The price we feel we must pay.
Guilt - The ditch on the road to contentment.
Civilization - The end product of many centuries of disorganization.
Thought - The unfamiliar which we so fear.
Consultant - A Rolling stone gathering other people's moss.
Business Policy - An early proof of the march to chaos.
Committee decision - The broth spoilt by too many cooks.
Maverick - One who has chosen to think
Accountant - The matador sent out to destroy the creative bull.
Corporate lawyer - Individual who complicates the already complex.
Executive - Those in charge of milking the cow.
New World Order - Same as the Old War order. Just different people in charge.
Bonus - The light that makes many hands work.
Gambling - Art of parting money from a fool.
Affirmative Action - Unnatural selection
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