There is a strong tendency for parents to want to recreate their children in their own image. It is only natural. After all your kids have your DNA and you provide them with the environment so by extension they should be copies of you.
This of
course is pure folly. Life doesn’t work like that. Your kids are your offspring
but they are also unique individuals. The blend of nature v nurture doesn’t
have to conform to our expectations and that is a good thing. A whole myriad of
combinations can arise and your kid is one of them.
Value your
children for who they are not for who you want them to be. They will have their
own strengths and weaknesses. Some of which you will recognize others you
won’t. Beating square pegs into round holes of your own preordained dimension
is a losing proposition. Two people will emerge unhappy from such action... you
and your child.
I have seen
this with my own kids. I am a science person my son isn’t and I am fine with
that. He has other passions that he will hopefully make use of to guide him
through his life. What I can do though is offer him important advice with the generalized
life problems that arise. Problems such as confidence of being, organization of
thought, time management and decision making techniques. These have universal
application.
Let you kids breathe. Don’t smother them with your expectations. Help them whey need help but avoid go out of the way to cushion every blow that life deals them. Sometimes failure within safe parameters is the best teacher. We learn through experience. Their pathway may not be your preferred direction but it their life not yours..
All of this like most parental challenges is of course easier said than done. We want to use our life experience to give our kids the leg up. Why not? Life is difficult enough.
But stepping back with necessary caution and allowing your loved ones to frame their own life is the best gift that you can give them. Let them know that you are there for support but give them the opportunity to manage their being. Stepping back a few steps ultimately equates to more meaningful gains elsewhere. We as parents need to put our ego and notion of our own importance on hold as others need to develop their personal sense of self and life trajectory.
